Let’s celebrate tonight. And for the rest of our lives. Let’s celebrate the fact that I lived and survived. That despite hating myself, I loved myself enough to do this, to put myself before everything for the first time in my life. Let’s celebrate every meal and every battle as a victory. Let’s celebrate because I am still around to see the stars. Let’s celebrate the fact that something mattered more to me than being skinny, than conforming to society’s absurd standards: let’s celebrate me.
Here’s to a week for the unconventional before and after photos, National Eating Disorder Awareness Week. For most of my life, I’ve been heavier, and consequently shamed and belittled for my weight. When I started college, however, I weighed 103 pounds, was eating 400-600 calories a day, doing about 90 minutes of cardio daily, and most importantly, I was anorexic. I was 15 pounds underweight, but no one thought to say anything because they were too busy applauding me for my unnatural weight loss. This is me calling them out. This is my telling them they were wrong. This is me thanking my real life and tumblr friends for everything they done to get me to the wonderful place I am today. So fuck you traditional pictures of “healthy”, I may be fat, but I beat my eating disorder.
FUCK YEA this makes me ridiculously happy.
I believe awareness is a lifetime, not just a week:)
What I learned about myself:
- I hate working out at the gym
- I don’t like salad
- Ice cream, pizza, chocolate, chips and pasta are my favourite things
- My hair looks better when it’s actually alive
- I like food and love baking it
- I love going on walks
What it got me:
- STRONG HAIR
- A boyfriend
What I’m proud of:
- I didn’t work out in any way during recovery
- I don’t eat “clean” or “protein based”. I eat everything in moderation.
- Mastering the skill of licking the dough bowl
- Cooking meals without holding back on oil or things that have fats in them
No I am not eating 100% “healthy” according to beauty standards. I do, however, eat healthy for a mind like mine. I eat things I crave. If you trust your cravings it will get you closer to eating something healthily than to force it on yourself. It will also keep your mind happier, your body satisfies and your whole being, healthy. I’m far from mentally recovered (I still see myself as a fat blob) but I reached my healthy weight without working out, I haven’t eaten so called “clean” and I wasn’t obsessed with protein. Still I have muscle. No I will not go “hit the gym twice a week”. I wouldn’t like it. I would HATE it. I do not want to be “toned” so I can be “happy”. I’m far from happy. But I know I will be when I can accept the way that I am, without having to study labels or work out. I will be happy when I feel safe and confident with who I am.
Posting this pic in celebration of a year and a half of beating my eating disorder. I don’t know what I would do if I wasn’t here to see and dance with this little one. I never would have guessed my life would be as amazing as it is now and I am so beyond thankful and happy!
"recovering is learning how to swim
instead of waiting for someone to throw a life line. "