I’ve had this account for over 3 years. For 3 years I’ve counted every single calorie I put into my body. I’ve logged every single workout just to see how many more calories I needed to burn to be “satisfied.” I wasn’t allowed to go to sleep until I was sure I worked out enough and didn’t eat too much. I used this app to fuel my eating disorder. I told myself I was being “healthy” and that I was just “watching what I ate” when in reality I was becoming more and more obsessive. The numbers were running through my head all day. I would lay awake at night calculating what I would eat and how much I would workout the next day to ensure a caloric deficit. I let it take over my life. I stopped seeing nutrients and could only see numbers. To this day I know the calorie content of so many foods, most things people don’t even really think about. It’s ingrained into my mind. But I’m also starting to see food as fuel again. I don’t workout so I can eat. Now I eat so I can fuel and power through a workout. I eat to perform. I eat to live. I’m adding foods into my diet that used to leave me crying on the bathroom floor. I’m taking back the control I lost when I got sucked into my eating disorder. Recovery is a process. It’s hard, it’s trying, it’s scary. But it’s possible and it is worth it. #Recovery #eatingdisorder
I am happier now allowing myself to have “junk food” free of guilt than I ever was forcing lettuce down my throat and struggling to eat under 1,200 calories a day while exhausting myself over exercising.
This is recovery.
Right this minute, there is someone going through chemotherapy shopping at your grocery store, buying popsicles and ice cream to help their sore mouth, and worrying what the cashier is going to think.
There is someone on hemodialysis buying white bread instead of whole wheat, trying to keep their phosphorus levels reasonable between appointments and hoping for the best.
There is a person attending intensive outpatient treatment for their eating disorder who has been challenged by their therapist to buy a Frappuccino.
There are dietitians picking up a dozen different candy bars to eat with their clients, who feel ashamed and guilty about enjoying them.
There is someone who just doesn’t have it in them to cook right now, and this frozen pizza and canned soup will keep them going.
There are people recovering from chronic dieting and semi-starvation who are buying chocolate and chips at their deprived body’s insistence.
All around us are people listening to what their bodies need and attempting to make the best possible choice within a context of overwhelming food pressure. All of their choices are valid, and every single one of these foods is “real.”"
yo for real never fucking shame anyone for eating something delicious
Rochambo Teahouse in Milwaukee has the best graffiti.
You know what you should never do if you’re in recovery from disordered eating behaviours? Weigh yourself. Seriously. Ugh.