If you try to not fear other’s opinions of your body, your nose won’t shrink to a makeup advertisement-friendly size. You will still be bald. Your left breast will still be bigger than the right and hair will keep growing in places where it’s always grown.
But maybe you’ll relax a bit. Maybe your shoulders will drop half an inch. Maybe you’ll sleep better and then maybe the shadows under your eyes won’t seem as deep and dark. Perhaps the stress you feel will wane a bit. You’ll take time to drink a glass of water, to digest your food. Your stomach will agree with you and your acne may calm down and break out a little less. Maybe you’ll smile more.
One day you’ll dare leave your cardigan at home and while showing off your flabby or bony or hairy arms you’ll let your shoulders meet the rays of the sun and let me tell you that THAT will be a beautiful marriage. When you come back home you’ll look at your collarbones in the mirror and no, they still won’t fit in a commercial for underwear, but you will see them. And you may want to see them again.
Then one day at the beach you decide to not wear your long shorts anymore. Legs belong in the sun and they will love you for letting them out. Your thighs may even tan a bit and the stretch marks fade a little. Who knows? You might end up missing those stripes. And if you don’t it doesn’t matter anyway. They’re still there.
Your body will still be the same body you left home with. It just might be breathing a little easier.
You don’t have to be raging in love with your body every day of your life. You don’t even have to feel very strongly about it. But if you treat it better, you may find it answering by feeling better. And then one day you may end up viewing it not as something you have, but something you are.
I know this is kind of a late answer, but I hope I can still help.
The biggest thing to do is to remember that he’s with you. She’s his ex for a reason, and you’re the one he’s with.
In the meantime, recognize your body’s worth if you think seeing her body will make you feel uncomfortable. Have a spa day, try a new hairstyle, try to go for a personal best at the gym! Remind yourself of how wonderful you are, because you are.
Aisha Tyler, photoshop before & after with notes.
[ three people with various leg types. left person is wearing pink shorts and yellow shoes and appears to have smooth legs with thighs that touch, middle person has pale, hairy, thin legs and is wearing heels with socks? and a purple pleated skirt,right person has on green boots, and a striped skirt and has thick thighs and scars.
texts “In Honour of Bare Legs ( if you want to have them )
It’s okay to have long legs, or short legs, or thighs that touch at the top, or hairy legs, or mottled skin, or knoggly knees, or cellulite, or scars, or stretch marks.
Don’t let the beauty standard give you more things to hate about yourself. Perfect is a social construct. Hot weather isn’t.”]
Haha, I love the last two sentences. - Sam
- it doesn’t matter what others think of your appearance
- you don’t have to think of yourself as ugly
- you don’t have to follow societal standards of beauty
- you don’t have to believe other people’s opinions of your appearance
- you can think of yourself as beautiful
- you can find others who think of you as beautiful
- anyone who calls you ugly is not worth your time
- you can think of everyone as beautiful
- you can find others who think everyone is beautiful
I get this kind of message a few times a week. I feel like the intent is good-natured and the person means well, but I have to say it still frustrates me. First, you have no idea what I eat. Because of my size you are inferring that I stuff my face full of cheeseburgers and bacon at a constant rate. The truth is, my diet is fairly average and while I certainly indulge from time to time, I don’t consider it to be unhealthy. If I were able to engage in more physical activity, I probably would have lost a decent amount of weight by now. But due to my circumstances, it is only a pound or two per month.
Secondly, a person’s shape is no indication of their health. Sometimes it can be a contributing factor. Sometimes it can be a risk factor. But it is merely one variable in a very complicated health puzzle. Please don’t assume one is unhealthy by physical appearance alone.
I have Chronic Fatigue Syndrome. This condition effects athletes, fat people, skinny people… it doesn’t care what shape they are. It is most likely catalyzed by a retrovirus and it reduces the cells ability to use and recycle energy efficiently. I have actually lost a great deal of weight in the past and I can say with certainty that it did not relieve my CFS. I also have narcolepsy, which is a neurological condition. I have depression, which is a chemical imbalance. They don’t care much about what shape I am either. At this point in my life, my weight is not a huge contributing factor in my personal health puzzle.
I am not a fool. I know that my weight is a risk factor for future health problems. And I promise I have done all I can to address this issue. But sometimes there isn’t much to be done. In the 12 years I’ve been sick I have tried many times to reduce my mass. I have seen all the doctors. I have consulted with dietitians. I have bought weight loss gadgets. I have tried all of your wonderful diets. Yes, even that one. (Please don’t send me anymore diet suggestions.) I even tried to have most of my stomach removed, but I was told my other health issues made it too much of a risk.
I have yo-yo’d back and forth so many times. I am not willing to yo another yo unless I truly feel like I have a long term, effective solution. I’ve come to the realization that until I find a way to be more physically active… I’m going to be a big guy. I’m not ashamed of what I see in the mirror. I don’t mind being big. I take my health very seriously and I do the best I can under the circumstances. I could fill a book with all of the effort I have put into feeling better. I have tried risky medicines with horrible side effects. I have tried experimental procedures. I have put myself in great debt trying alternative treatments. And almost all of it for naught. But I still keep trying, even if you don’t think I do.
I thank you for your concern, but I ask that in the future you just accept that I am fat and that’s okay.
Bolded for emphasis
thefrogman is a wonderful person.